


if i fell in love with you

by iwaoidk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, at the end there is, drum roll, eventual pairing, friends to relationship, i swear it isn't that bad though, iwaoi - Freeform, not a death fic this time i promise, not a lot, okay you people are alarming me now so i'll add, pining!oikawa, there's an actual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 19:05:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3866338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaoidk/pseuds/iwaoidk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa nodded, eyes on the ceiling, lips loose in thought. "Mmm. Okay, Iwa-chan. I love you."</p><p>"I love you too," came the answer, smooth and easy like breathing.</p><p>And then they froze.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i fell in love with you

 

_don't waste your time on me,_  
_you're already the voice inside my head._  
•

  
The snow is falling fast and it's landing in soft whispers, the moon engraving light paths between the clouds. There is exactly one bench parked in the snow, exactly four craters created in the ice from the legs, and one more that was made from the streetlamp right to the left. If you tilted your head up, and closed an eye, and maybe squinted with the other, then you could see the stars dusted across the sky. And if you breathed through your mouth just hard enough, you could see the vapor laughing from your lips into the air. And maybe, maybe then, it'd make you think of how much of a postcard scene this was.   
  
Sitting with his head up, eyebrows frowning with the effort as he eyed the stars, lips parted to breathe heavily into the air and watch the vapor walk away from him, Oikawa was thinking of how much of a postcard scene this was.

Maybe it wasn't because of the way the stars had interlaced fingertips tonight, maybe it wasn't the moon's forehead beginning to rise over the clouds, and maybe it wasn't his own breath that he could see. Maybe it wasn't any of these that made him feel like he was trapped in a moment of pretty things.  
  
Maybe it was more about the boy who sat beside him, chest rising and falling, snowflakes slowly drifting to his cheeks and slowly subtracting away as his warm skin scared them off. Maybe it was more about the boy who sat beside him, the light from the sky hands-deep inside the pockets of his own coat, body leaning back pleasantly and chin tilted up just enough to meet the soft waves of moonlight, the gentle brightness curling around his lips and the hollows of his cheekbones and the curve beneath his nose and the dip of his closed eyes, throwing a shine on his eyelashes that was small enough just to make your breath tangle in your throat and wonder if it was real.

Maybe it was the way Iwaizumi Hajime looked so beautiful that he could cry.  
  
Oikawa sat with his legs pulled to his chest, chin tucked on the ridge between his knees. His nose was cold, the wind running a hand through his hair as it bounced slightly. His forehead relaxed as he stopped glaring at the stars, his eyes slowly slipping to the side, away from Iwaizumi. He turned his head, eyes closing instead as he bit down on his lip.   
  
He wondered if Iwa-chan ever saw the way his fingers twitched to hold his hand.  
  
Oikawa's hands were hidden in the sleeves of his sweater, the soft fabric stretching just past his fingertips. He breathed the cold air in deeply, letting the frost knife through his chest.   
  
"Are you cold?"  
  
Iwaizumi's eyes were still closed, voice low. It made Oikawa think of chewed fingernails trying to drum against a table, roses by staircases, and snowflakes falling on warm skin. He was shaking his head to himself in answer to Iwa-chan's question before realizing that his eyes were still closed.  
  
"No."  
  
Oikawa's own voice was soft, almost like a whisper. It was nearly tossed into the wind, his lips trembling as they parted. But Iwa-chan sighed anyways, sat up anyways, opened his eyes anyways. He sat forward on the bench, leaning forward as he reached backwards, shoulders rolled as he tugged an arm out of a sleeve. He reached around for the other side, pull his coat off of his body completely. Iwa-chan slid himself on the wood of the bench, moving himself closer and closer to Oikawa as he draped the thick fabric across his curled form. He tucked the edges in around him, and leaned against his side.  
  
"You catch colds easily. I'm taking you home soon."  
  
Oikawa was in a sleepy sadness now, eyes closed, moon paling in comparison to his own skin. His hair was almost silver under the light, lips white and chapped in the cold.  
  
He didn't want to answer, because he was afraid that when he opened his lips, he wouldn't be able to stop them from leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Iwa-chan who looked so perfect with the light of the snow and the moon pressed to his skin.

 

 

 

•  
_but I still hold your breath_  
_so you won't leave._  
_•_

 

Iwaizumi, true to his word, had taken Oikawa home. Walked him up his front steps, and Oikawa felt his chest shudder.  _Kiss me, kiss me now._  
  
A warm hand on Oikawa's shoulder, a gentle curling of his palm as he gripped him.  
  
He kept his hand there as he spoke, "I'll see you at school tomorrow."  
  
When Iwa-chan pulled his hand away and began to walk home, Oikawa opened the door and went on up to his room.  
  
He still felt the ghost of his fingertips on his shoulder.

 

 

 

•  
_I loved everything about you that hurts._  
•

 

Oikawa smiled, lips curling up as he grinned at Iwa-chan  _(bitterly, bitterly, bitterly)_.  
  
"You look great."  
  
Iwaizumi's fingertips fluttered to his throat, pulling and pushing at the necktie, all sweaty palms and trembling jaw, "You really think so?"  
  
Oikawa nodded, the wattage of his smile not dimming once. His eyes were pushed at the corners with the effort, and the only way you could tell that it wasn't genuine was the way his pale nose was turning red with the forecast of tears. Iwaizumi was a professional when it came to reading Oikawa, when it came to picking at the frayed edges of his mind and opening his chest. But he was nervous tonight, so nervous that he couldn't see anything beyond his own nerves, and that left Oikawa to smile falsely and acknowledge the way both their hands were shaking for different reasons.  
  
Iwaizumi because he was excited.  
  
Oikawa because he wanted to be the reason why Iwa-chan was excited.  _(But he wasn't.)_  
  
"Do you think it's too much? Too formal? Do you think she'll like the tie?"  
  
_I hope she doesn't, I hope she doesn't._  
  
"I'm sure she will, Iwa-chan," he waved a hand between them dismissively, "I think you look fine. It's not too formal, not too casual. It's a fancy restaurant, isn't it?" He waited for Iwaizumi's nod. "Then you're per-" Oikawa's voice caught in his throat, words on fire, growing old. He couldn't say he was perfect. Couldn't say it. "Then you're good to go," Oikawa finished softly, eyes falling to the side.  
  
A light yelp escaped his lips as he felt Iwa-chan's elbow dig into his side playfully, all nervous eyes and stuttering movements, "A girl's into me. Guess I'm finally catching up to you, huh?"  
  
Oikawa threw his head back, mouth parting as he laughed long and hard  _(and painfully)_. His shoulders shook, and it was hard to understand that it was because he was laughing instead of crying.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're finally catching up to me."

 

 

 

•  
_your eyes are the size of the moon,_  
_you could 'cause you can so you do._  
•

 

Iwaizumi comes into school the next day and he doesn't seem to belong to himself anymore.  
She's all over his hands now, all over his arms and chest and cheeks and lips and she won't seem to go. He slips an arm over her shoulders, all smiles as the boys clap him on the back and she's all smiles as her friends laugh excitedly, already joking about who'll be the maid of honor.  
  
It makes Oikawa feel sick.  
  
He stays in his seat, his long legs bent underneath the desk as his back curves forward. His arms are folded flat on the desk in front of him, head fallen down to rest between the crooks of his elbows. He can hear a hurricane in the hollows of his ears, and his chest feels like a choked collection of planets.  _Be mine, be mine._  
  
Iwaizumi slides into the seat adjacent, the girl sitting on top of his desk.  
  
"Hey, Oikawa." He can hear the smile in his voice, and feel how proud he is just by sitting next to him. "Are you okay?"   
  
Oikawa is so tempted to shake his head, so tempted to pull his legs up and curl into a ball and keep shrinking and shrinking until he doesn't exist. But he settles for lifting his head, settles for giving a wide smile and tilting his head, hair bouncing, "I'm okay, Iwa-chan, just sleepy. I see your date went well." He added a wink and another smile, just to keep lying a little longer.  
  
She turned around to face him, smiling at Oikawa with a nod. She's pretty alright, curls that are so black they're like shadows framing her face. Her skin is an ivory, her lips a pale red and her eyes a light brown. Dainty body, thin fingers and a small waist, Oikawa hates her. He hates the way she's looking at Iwaizumi like she thinks he strung the universe, because Oikawa doesn't do that, no, Oikawa looks at Iwaizumi like he  _knows_ he strung the universe. And his heart stutters out of time every time she touches him, every time he touches her, and Oikawa doesn't want to be here.  
  
He hates Iwaizumi too. He hates the way he slouches and still manages to look like the epitome of everything beautiful, he hates how his cheekbones always seem to have light thrown in them, he hates how his eyes are dark but they're so, so bright, he hates his arms and how they just seem to flex every time he bends a finger, he hates how his eyes smile with his lips, he hates Iwaizumi from his hair to the tips of his toes and most of all, he he hates how Iwaizumi makes him feel thunder beneath his skin and how his lungs get pounded into his back when he thinks of him.  
  
"I'm happy for you," he laughs, turning away, tears falling hard.

 

 

 

•  
_and I just want to breathe until I take you in,_  
_never want you to leave until I take you in._  
•

 

Oikawa's back is flat against the bamboo of his grandmother's veranda. His eyes are closed, eyelashes barely fluttered against his light skin, hands strewn out beside him as his fingertips stutter. It's the early hours of the morning, late enough so that the moon is still watching over, but early enough to where a strand of the sun is reaching into the clouds. The crickets are singing, the trees are silently laughing, and there's small talk coming from his grandmother's small fish pond. It's making the ache between his rib cage thrum with less energy, and he's in a tired haze.  _I miss you, I miss you so._  
  
Iwaizumi is at his girlfriend's house, and Oikawa doesn't want to think about what he could be doing. He doesn't want to think of his hands on her waist, doesn't want to think of her arms around his neck, doesn't want to think of his lips on her skin. Doesn't want to think of how he asked Iwa-chan what movie he wanted to watch tonight, and he doesn't want to think of the way his delicately shaped eyes flew wide and he doesn't want to think of the small  _"Oh god, I told her I'd be coming over tonight. Sorry, Oikawa. We'll do it another time, I promise."_  
  
And so Oikawa let the silence of the night sink into his skin. He let himself be alone, just this once, eyes traced shut and shoulders sinking down against the wood of the veranda. He brought his arms up and behind him, interlacing his fingers as he rested his head on his palms. They couldn't twitch this way, couldn't wish for Iwa-chan. Oikawa sighed long and deep, breathing in the stars and exhaling a galaxy.  
  
He was just a king inside his castle, with an ocean in between.

 

 

 

•

It's been a month since Iwa-chan promised and they still haven't watched a movie together.

 

 

 

•  
_I start to wonder if you'll come back,_  
_I feel the rain storming after thunder, I can't hold back._  
•

 

Oikawa is self-medicating in the quiet of his room. The ridges of his ceiling are keeping his attention. The cracks scream open, the tears running across the white like water drops. Oikawa's hands are soft, the whites of his nails aren't there anymore, his fingertips red from nail-biting. He's on his back, his eyes up as he sets the ball towards the ceiling. Catches it. Tosses it. Catches it. Tosses. Catches.  
  
Oikawa breathes hard through his nose, hands bracing to catch the ball just as he's slammed with the air of his door being thrown open. His eyes whisk to the side, his hands not in the right place at the right time, the volleyball falling through the air and landing on his nose. Oikawa lets out a muffled squeak, eyelashes brushing against the leather of the ball, as it rolls off. As soon as his sight is cleared, he wishes it wasn't.  
  
Iwaizumi is on his floor, back towards him, knees tucked under his chin. He can see the slight movement of his shoulders, and the arms wrapped around his legs are shaking.   
  
Oh.  _Oh._  
  
Oikawa swings his legs from the mattress, lowering himself onto the carpet beside Iwaizumi. He doesn't want to look at him like this, doesn't want to see Iwa so vulnerable because neither of them like it, but he glances up quickly anyways. Iwa-chan's face is hidden in his arms, his head shaking with gentle movements. Oikawa bites his lip, eyebrows knitting together. Iwa-chan doesn't get like this often. He's only had to deal with this a few times, and fear is gripping his throat, like he's in a crowded dark hallway. Oikawa tentatively reaches out, setting his hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder. He squeezes. He's reminded of Iwa's quick " _I'll see you at school tomorrow_ ," and his chest shivers.   
  
"Iwa-chan, what happened?"  
  
He doesn't expect Iwaizumi to answer, doesn't expect him to turn, doesn't even expect him to acknowledge him. That's the reason he's taken completely by surprise when his head snaps from his arms, his nose red and cheeks flushed and lips bitten and eyelashes shining with tears as he throws himself forward, body completely overtaking Oikawa's as they both topple backwards. He buries his nose in the fabric of Oikawa's shirt, back trembling and shoulders quaking. Oikawa feels a tumor in his throat melt fire hot, feels his own eyes stinging as he trails his fingertips down Iwa-chan's spine. He dips his nose into his hair, and he can smell apples, because Iwa only uses his apple shampoo on special occasions, and something had to be really wrong if he was like this. Iwaizumi doesn't make much noise when he cries, he just shakes, and it hurts because he's like a quiet storm.  
  
Oikawa had to clench his fists, has to press the flat of his knuckles into Iwaizumi's back to stop himself from kissing his hair, "Iwa-chan?"  
  
The blades of Iwaizumi's shoulders rise, his forearms propping him up slightly as they rest on Oikawa, his forehead coming down to press flat into his chest. He's still crying, and Oikawa can feel hot tears seeping through his shirt that have dripped from the end of Iwa's nose. Oikawa vaguely thinks about asking if he's alright, and dismisses it, because he's obviously not, and there isn't much he can do except exist for him.  
  
"She was kissing Saburo."  
  
"Oh my god, I'm so s-"  
  
"I took her on a date, a special date, and she had the fucking nerve to sneak out of the restaurant on an excuse for the bathroom just to stick her tongue down Saburo's throat outside."  
  
"Iwa-chan, this-"  
  
"I spent time planning this. She's the first girl who I've ever liked who liked me back. You saw me the night of our first date."  
  
_Sadly_ , thought Oikawa.  
  
"And after all of this,  _all of this_ , she did...  _whatever the hell_ that was."  
  
Oikawa knows better than to try and talk again, knows better than to try to force Iwaizumi to feel better. So all he does is wrap his arms around him, tug him close, and pretend the circumstances are different. He takes a deep breath, feeling Iwaizumi's nose on his chest as it rises. He exhales deeply, tasting something bitter on the tip of his tongue. He didn't understand how someone could do that. How someone could cheat, much less cheat on  _Iwa-chan_. It was gross. It was despicable. He didn't deserve this, didn't deserve any of what happened to him. He deserved to be showered with kisses and compliments, and he deserved someone who knew how to make him happy. He deserved someone who could make him laugh, and someone who still knew how to deal with him at his worst. He deserved someone who could kiss away his tears but still give him a reason to let them dry, and nothing less. He deserved someone who could see stars on his eyelids and feel the birth of a galaxy between their kisses.   
  
Oikawa holds Iwaizumi until his shoulders stop trembling, holds him in his arms until he can hear deep, heavy breaths coming from Iwa-chan's lips and his own chest is sore from being weighed and his arms are stiff from holding Iwa so tightly.   
  
He holds him until he feels like the aching in both of their chests has subsided, ever so slightly.  
_I love you, I love you so._

 

 

 

•  
_I've been in love before and I found that_  
_love was more than just holding hands._  
•

 

Oikawa just sat a bottle of water by his bed, just slipped his long legs under his blanket, just pushed his pillow up against the headboard and kicked his volleyball off the bed. He had just turned the lights off, and closed the curtains, and put on some face lotion (he has to keep his skin smooth, it's sensitive) and his eyelids felt like they were about to flutter closed for the next two years.  
  
That's why he felt like screaming when his phone rang.  
  
Oikawa was about to take it and throw it on the floor, about to hurl his bed towards the ceiling in anger, or maybe just ignore the call. He glanced at the screen resentfully, lungs deflating when he saw it was lit up with " _Iwa-chan_ ," followed by a heart and the arm flexing emoji. Lips twisting, eyes flitting towards the ceiling, Oikawa relented, reaching for his phone and accepting the call.   
  
"This better be good, Iwa-chan. I was about to get my beauty sleep."  
  
"Yeah, like you need any more of that." Iwa had laughed, laughed to show that he was joking, and his throat was thick with sarcasm right now, but it didn't matter to Oikawa. Didn't matter when his heart seemed to cough in his chest and his cheeks took on a light pink, didn't matter when his lower lip slipped in some sort of happy pout.  
  
"Well, what are you calling me for?"  
  
"I just wanted to tell you to choose a movie. We're watching it tomorrow. I still haven't forgotten that promise, y'know."   
  
A soft laugh, the images of bright eyes and curving lips and tan skin and strong arms next to pale wrists crowded Oikawa's head as the soft click of the ending call rang into his ear.

 

 

 

  
•  
_is your heart singing out of tune?_  
_are your eyes just singing the blues?_  
•

 

Oikawa's head was in Iwaizumi's lap, his hair tangled between the gaps of his fingers. His ankles were crossed, sleepy smile coming and going.  
  
The movie was one about a dog, or a cat, he didn't remember, all he remembered was the way Iwaizumi's fingertips held the DVD case and asked him if it was okay. He'd nodded, said yes, just put it in already, Iwa-chan.  
  
They're on the floor now, Oikawa finding it hard to watch the movie when there's so many stars on Iwa-chan's skin. It was even harder once Iwaizumi started to flick the tufts of his hair. His other hand that was draped across Oikawa's waist suddenly picked up, starting to trail across him. He kept touching him, touching him,  _touching him_ , and it was already hard to think around Iwa-chan but now it was unbearable. It was more of a habit for Iwaizumi. he didn't seem to know he was doing it, didn't seem to realize that he was touching Oikawa. Oikawa didn't mind.  
  
The movie reaches the turning point, where the dog/cat finds its way back home/meets a cute female. Oikawa still wasn't paying attention. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't concentrate, don't blame him,  _blame Iwaizumi_ , his hand is the one that's running a thumb over the line of his hip bone where his body was stretched and his shirt had lifted and when Oikawa felt a sharp pain threading through his chest, he realized he'd stopped breathing. He parted his lips, pulling in a long strand of air as he tilted his head into Iwa-chan's hand.  
  
"I missed watching movies with you," Iwaizumi said softly, eyes flickering down to Oikawa face as he went on, "All she wanted to ever do was make out." His voice dropped to a whisper, "And I think she brushed her teeth with some form of cyanide."  
  
Oikawa's throat bubbled out a laugh, but his forehead twitched at the thought of her lips on his, and he had to fight a shiver, "I missed watching movies with you too. I can't find anyone else to do this with. I searched for a replacement forever and the only awkward, spiky-haired person I could find was Kindaichi, and he's much too tall. And stiff."  
  
"You watched a movie with Kindaichi?" There was a fast pulling of the eyebrows, something passing through Iwaizumi's eyes as he blinked it away and barked out a laugh instead, "That must have been a blast."  
  
"It really was. Shallot-kun takes everything so seriously. He was about to cry during every scene," Oikawa let out a laugh, drowning out the noise of the triumphant resolution music.   
  
"Well, you won't watch movies with him anymore." Iwa's tone was joking, his lips were smiling, but his eyes had an odd edge to them, as if he was waiting for Oikawa to confirm what he'd just said.  
  
"You've got that much right," Oikawa acknowledged. He didn't realize that Iwaizumi's hand had stopped carding through his hair, didn't notice that the skin under his shirt had grown cold from lack of contact. But it started back again after he said this, and he felt the warm palm of Iwa's hand press into his head.   
  
The dog (Oikawa kept his eyes on the screen long enough to figure it out) had finally ended up in the arms of his owner (there was no female involved either, Iwa's hands had just drawn him into delirium), and the screen dimmed. Darkness flooded over the edges until the ending credits began, and Oikawa felt a buzz against his head. He tilted his head to get off of Iwa's pocket, letting him draw his phone out. There was a sigh, and a light  _tsk._  
  
"My mom needs help moving something," he groaned, pressing his back into the bed behind him. "I have to go. At least we finished the movie though."  
  
Oikawa's scalp was desperately missing Iwaizumi's touch as he sat up, tugging his shirt back over his waistband. "Yeah, we did. It was cute."  
  
Iwaizumi regarded him for a moment, eyebrow lifting, "Oikawa, that dog almost died."  
  
_Shit._  
  
"I- Uh, well. It. It was cute at the end," he amended, eyes wide and his damage control smile already overtaking his lips.  
  
Iwaizumi nodded, shrugged his shoulders, he'd give him that much. He began to approach the door, slinging the hoodie he ended up not wearing over his shoulder.  
  
"See ya."  
  
Oikawa nodded, his eyes on the ceiling, his lips loose in thought. "Mmm. Okay, Iwa-chan. I love you."  
  
"I love you too," came the answer, smooth and easy like breathing.  
  
And then they froze.  
  
Oikawa's eyes grew wider, lips parting as a small noise climbed from the back of his throat.  _He didn't just say that. No. He didn't just tell Iwa-chan he loved him._  
  
His heart was starting beating off-key, his hands were shaking in his lap. He felt like his ribs had been crushed into his back, his heart squeezed out of his throat, jaw trembling. Oikawa felt scared, terrified, felt like he'd just been going down the stairs and his foot had missed a step and he his breathing suddenly just wasn't  _happening_ , he got up and began to approach Iwa-chan and he-  
  
Iwaizumi held up a hand, shaking his head, "Don't."  
  
There was a hurricane in the gaps of his fingers, a bullet between his shouler blades, the breath leaving his body as Iwa-chan moved his arm. He reached for his phone, unlocking it. Oikawa didn't know what he was doing until he pressed it to his ear, lips moving quickly around soft words, "Mom, I can't come home yet. Oikawa's dog just got hit by a car." He paused for a moment, and winced, holding the phone away from his ear. They could both hear the hysterics over the other end. "Yes, the fluffy one." Pause. "Are you not even going to ask if  _Oikawa_  is okay?" A gap of silence. "Well," Iwa glanced at Oikawa, "he seems pretty torn up about it. I'll stay to comfort him." Another pause. "Okay. I'll see you later."  
  
Iwa hung up the phone. As soon as he tucked it into his pocket, he dropped himself backwards against the door, chest jagged as he drew out a shaky breath. He slid down the polished wood of the door until he was sitting on the floor, eyes fluttering closed. He let out a bitter laugh, strong and quiet like a twister. "I've wanted to say that one to you for a while."  
  
Oikawa bit down hard on his lip, padding over to the door and turning, back falling against the wall as he slid down to sit on the floor beside Iwaizumi. He nodded in agreement, breathing in deeply and letting his breath out like it was painful. He leaned to the side, letting his forehead rest on Iwa-chan's shoulder.  
  
"Me too."

 

 

 

•  
_I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes,  
it's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you._

_•_

 

Oikawa's mouth barely has the time to open and close around a yawn before they're pressed shut, closed off by Iwaizumi's lips on his own. It's the morning, nine in the morning to be exact, and Iwa-chan's breath tastes like dead animal and his is probably not much better but Oikawa is okay with it, he's okay with all of it because it's Iwa-chan.  _His_  Iwa-chan to be exact, and the lips against his own weren't allowed to touch anyone else's. Oikawa's lips curled into a smile.

(Iwaizumi loved it, loved when he smiled without thought and it almost seemed modest and like it was made of cellophane because it was clear and there was nothing to look through. And so Iwaizumi caught that smile, and threw it into the hollows of their kisses, hand reaching up to run through Oikawa's hair, slow and gentle.)

They kissed until their lips were buzzing and almost numb, the clock reading far beyond 9:00.

"Good morning, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said softly, sleepily, lips fond and eyes smiling.

Iwa was never one for morning talks, never one to really hold a conversation until he's had something to boost his consciousness. So he shot back a curve of his lips, eyes still closed and chest humming. He shifted himself, pressing his body into Oikawa's, letting him curl into him and fist his shirt.

Oikawa leaned in, resting his forehead against the line of Iwa-chan's collarbones, trying to keep himself from making some sort of happy noise when he smiled.

_Crap_ , he thought, cheekbones high and heartbeat fast,  _I'm so happy I could cry_.

  
•  
_memories, they came and went in light of all the time we spent,  
listening to everything our parents told us not to take in._  
•

 

The snow still falls fast, still falls quiet. The flakes end up on top of each other, the smell of the fresh ice making Oikawa think of foam at the crests of sea waves and the way the air touches your skin after it rains. The moonlight is tracing past the curves of the clouds in the dark sky, and there's exactly one park bench in the snow. That makes exactly four holes, five if you count the crater made by the streetlamp to the right. If you tilted your head up just enough, and maybe shut an eye, perhaps squinted with the other, then you could see galaxies sewn together in the distance. And if you breathed from your lips and pushed with your lungs hard enough, you could see the vapor pushing off your tongue and dancing into the sky. And just maybe, maybe then, it'd make you think about how much of a postcard scene this was.

Heart beating so fast that it seemed to sit in his throat, Oikawa couldn't help but think about how much of a postcard scene this was.

But things are different this time around.

This time around, Oikawa isn't curled into himself and glaring up above to try to make out stars, because he's busy staring at the way Iwaizumi Hajime smiles like a constellation. This time around, Oikawa isn't on one side of the bench, alone while Iwaizumi is leaning on the other side, because he's on Iwa-chan's lap right now with one leg around each side of him. This time around, he isn't looking away, because he can look at Iwa-chan now and when he thinks he's beautiful, he's allowed to tell him. This time around, his fingertips weren't even twitching because they're laced with Iwaizumi's now and it's okay.

One thing stayed the same.

Well, maybe two.

This time, his nose was still cold. Though, it was rapidly warming, their lips sealed together and Oikawa's nose pressed into Iwa-chan's warm cheek like a peppermint.

The main thing that stayed the same was the way Iwaizumi looked so beautiful that he could cry. The moon was in a different phase at this time, caught somewhere between a crescent and a full moon. It was still shining bright, bright enough to where Oikawa felt like the light was meant for both of them. It dipped into the hollow of the curve above Iwaizumi's lips, it traced from his forehead to the tip of his nose, it slipped across the slope of his cheekbones and in the indention beneath his lower lip and above the edge of his chin and was thrown just across his eyelashes in a light that was so small that Oikawa's breath tangled in his throat and he wondered if it was real.

The wind was pretty against their skin, and when Oikawa leaned back to sit on the edge of Iwa's thighs, he could see the rings of the planets in his eyes.

"I love you, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi replied easily, always replied easily, grip around Oikawa's waist steady and sure as the moon rises.

"I love you too, Oikawa."

And Iwa-chan leaned in, trailing his lips against Oikawa's just lightly enough before pressing them together, and they kissed again and again and again.

 

•  
_so I hope that you see that I  
would love to love you._


End file.
